Your parents lied to you. Babies don’t come from storks or from stardust or from god. They’re not found in the cabbage patch, and they don’t start as a twinkle in anyone’s eye. And they definitely don’t come from a magical, mystical process involving a man and a woman who are so very much in love that the man puts his penis in the woman’s vagina and, voila, they make a baby.
This blog is about how babies are really made. I am writing this blog to debunk the cabbage-patch fib, and to start a much-needed discussion about queer fertility and solo parenting. I am writing this blog for all the queer single people like me who are doing it, or thinking of doing it, alone. I am writing this for all their family members who still hold onto a childhood fantasy that babies come from wishes or from one-night stands in a ute out the back of a pub, to the accompaniment of an AC/DC cover band. And I am writing this for all their friends, and for all my friends too, who think that IVF is a shortcut, and not a painful last resort.
I have been trying to get pregnant for the past three years, and my quest has not ended yet. According to the nurse at my local hospital I am both medically and socially infertile. Medically because I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), and socially because I am queer. Add to that the fact that I am also single, and you’ve won the infertility stakes trifecta. So this blog is about my journey: it’s about sexuality and hot sex and queer fertility and IVF. All in the one breath. Say it out loud–it’s juxtaposed, but it also (almost) rhymes.
**To read the blog, click on “menu” tab hovering over the sexy picture of me at the top of this screen.
thecabbagepatchfib 
Howdy, I just read your article on The Age’s site. I know exactly how you feel. Exactly. I decided to start a family on my own. I went from one to three! Yep, twins. I was so excited that my babies would have a sibling and an instant family straight away. Thing is, I am contemplating a third! That just intensifies the pressure I feel from the people. It’s certainly not because the twins have been a walk in the park, or because I can easily afford it. It’s purely about a longer term view of having a bigger family. Somehow, having two babies together feels like one. I can’t quite explain it, but I think it has something to do with only been pregnant once. So much more I could add, but I’m trying to keep it brief. Anyway, great article. Congratulations.
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Oh yes, I totally understand about the only being pregnant once thing. In those early early days of being a new parent I felt like my baby was changing too fast and I couldn’t keep a grasp on it, and I had a deep grief at the swift passing of time you experience with a newborn. The thing that kept me from being a tears mess was thinking, “it’s ok, ill do this again; this won’t be the only newborn I get to Xperience”.
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Hi there,
I just read your post on the sbs site about contemplating a second child and all that goes with that. I too have a supportive mother but that love feels contional on me not needing her too much and that she is expecting the level of support to be dwindling and so she doesn’t want the second child as she doesn’t ant the work or to offer the same level of support again. It’s been making me quite fragile and feeling full of self doubt. My toddler is spirited and beautiful and seriously energetic. I do think another set of hands would be ideal but I also think a sibling for her would be good for her in soooo many ways.
I really hear you and I have to say I feel like I could have written your article myself … as if they were my own words. And that came as quite a shock but also enormous relief as realise I’m not the only one in ththe place right now. I was hoping we could possible stay in touch and communicate on some way through these next deliberations and possibly be a supporting voice to each other?
Be mates 😉
My email is phoenixrogan@gmail.com
Thanks again and much love to you and your very wonderful family x
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Hi Phoenix, sorry for the slow reply. Yes let’s definitely stay in touch! Having community is so helpful for us solo parents. When I had my first I remember thinking it would be the wildest idea ever to have a second, but since appearing on Insight I’ve met so many people who’ve done it and it feels like a really viable and normal decision to make now, which is helpful. Ill shoot you an email.
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Hi Holly
I haven’t yet read your blog but am leaving a comment in response to your article in ‘Daily Life’.
I’m single too and would love to have kids but I’m far too scared to do it on my own. I also have reservations about ‘going solo’ because I have plenty of male friends who’d make great dads but don’t have a partner so can’t – therefore is it fair that I go and just do it?
However I applaud your desire to have a second. The reasons you stated (wanting to give your baby a sibling to share you as a parent!!) were so valid and you are right when people question your lack of a partner, just because you may have a one, often many people do seem to be doing it all alone in a practical sense.
Having been a teacher now for 13 years and seen so many unloved children from a traditional male and female parent set-up, I think your kids would be lucky little devils to have one parent who wanted them so much.
Good Luck with your next phase of parenthood and just buy some ear plugs to shut out the objections and judgements from the masses.
regards Amy
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Amy, Sorry for the slow reply, and thank you for reading! Have you ever considered an unconventional family set up where you pick one of these single men you know who’d be a great parent, and do it together, minus the relationship? There’s an idea! Co-parenting situations are becoming more and more popular…and it shares the load which might make parenting feel more viable?
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Wow, this piece of writing is good, my younger sister is analyzing such things,
thus I am going to let know her.
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